My Boudoir session.....I knew I wanted to do this session for myself and this was the perfect time.....The whole week before my session, started out with some bad thoughts. As I was trying on outfits I started finding everything wrong with me. From all my skin issues, fat rolls, stretch marks, all my moles, wrinkles and freckles, looking at the 30lbs I gained after my heart surgery. My anxiety built up inside me and I was like am I a fraud for preaching to my clients "you will be fine" "girl you got this" . I am a true over thinker and was like OMG Teri is going to see me naked and all my issues I am finding right now! Then I changed the words I was saying to myself to positive thoughts, because it was getting me down. I was like, wait this body had 3 pregnancies and I gave birth to TRIPLETS! What my body held 3 babies at one time and I should be proud of what it has done and been through. The stress of ups and downs in life. Raising 5 children alone and running a business. I would say I need to be damn proud of what I was given!
The morning of my session....I started those nervous feelings, that I am sure all of you feel when you do something you never have done before. Doing something "out of the BOX" can be so challenging and scary. I am such a routine, introvert. so even though this is something I do everyday, I have never been on the other side of the camera in this way.
Walk in and sat in "THAT" chair, you know the one in front of the mirror and lights with all this makeup, you never wear and have no idea how to use. Then my AMAZING makeup artist starts her routine. Teri sits down and we all talk, laugh and all the nerves go away for the moment.
Hair and makeup is all done and now its TIME! I change and I actually felt fine at this point. I was still somewhat nervous of what was going to be seen in the photos. I wanted so bad to see them at that moment. I am such a person that hates not being in control of a situation. I let go and I let Teri be the boss!!! I listened to all her directions, she was so patient with my quirkiness and just AMAZING!!! We did 3 outfits, wet T-shirt and THEN nudes...I was like oh crap here it is everything just like that on camera and proof of what I really look like...having no idea how this looks. I just trusted who I choose to do my photoshoot and knew she won't give me the "BAD" photos. It was such an AMAZING experience and felt so good afterwards.
A few weeks go by and I will say I didn't even want my photos back. Being totally honest I didn't have that I cant wait feeling. I am not sure why, I think I was scared of how I looked. Then Teri says they are ready...EEKKK! I didn't tell anyone I was getting them back. I wanted that moment for myself since I truly did these for "ME". Then the slideshow starts playing and I LOVED THEM!!! WHAT that is ME and I know I wasn't perfect, but I knew I am perfect for me! My body has proof that I have lived this AMAZING life! It tells a story! One main thing I learned in all of this, is when I am gone, what will I be remembered for? NOT my stretch marks or the rolls I have or even all my skin issues. I think people will say she had the identical triplets, she empowered women with her photography, she was a MOM of some AMAZING kids, she was a loyal person.... these things NOT anything about my body. I went through so many emotions during this whole thing. I went through almost everything my clients do. I know how you feel, I promise you can do it and be AMAZING at it! Do a session for YOU, I did!